A Gentle Reminder: What You Create Has Value (and so do you)

You might have noticed in reading my posts that I have a bit of a pet peeve about watching what you say. I’m a big fan of “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” And this doesn’t just apply to what you say about others, it applies to what you say about yourself and the things that you do/create/share.

I see this happen a lot with creative people. They produce a beautiful photo, brilliant art work, or incredible writing, and then, when they show it to you, almost instantly devalue their own efforts by adding “it’s not very good”, “I really don’t know what I’m doing”, or “it’s not my best work”. It makes. me. crazy.

Okay, I admit that it makes be MORE crazy because I used to do it – a lot – and I understand where their head is at. But it also makes me crazy because if it is something that you created, it comes from you, and from your heart, by saying that it’s not any good, you’re also devaluing yourself on a subconscious level. You’re holding yourself back, limiting your creative potential, and beating up your own self-confidence.

It may have started subtly enough. We might discover that by saying, “Oh, it’s not very good.” a friend might disagree and insist that the work is truly wonderful. Instantly, the reward part of our brain goes “Heeyyy… I say it’s bad, I get a compliment!” Soon we automatically unveil the fruits of our creative labor and simultaneously announce “it’s really not my best work”, while preparing for the freshly delivered reassurances and compliments from our audience.

While getting compliments is nice, this is really not the greatest way to validate the worth of your work. You create a pattern of constantly devaluing your creation and at the same time your own worth. This doesn’t mean that you have to go flying off in the other direction and declare to everyone who’ll listen how fabulous your latest work of art is. (Which may result in your friends running for the hills when you appear.)

The simplest way to stop devaluing your work really is, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” or “keep your mouth shut”. Oversimplified, maybe, but the idea is to get you to stop trash talking yourself and smothering your creativity and self-esteem. By all means, show friends and strangers your art work, but do not tell them how awful it is. We create art for art’s sake, what you have created is what it is, good, bad or ugly, but it is a part of you, treat it the way you want to be treated.

When someone compliments what you do, a “simple thank” you is the most powerful phrase you can utter. On a subconscious level, you’re validating that what you have made has value and so do you. It takes a conscious effort to stop whatever else you were going to say and just say “thank you”, but once you get the hang of it, it can be a truly liberating experience.

Those two small words can help grow your confidence, boost your creativity and inspire your faith in your own creative processes.

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[Recommended Reading]: Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman

During his junior year at the University of California, Dan Millman first stumbled upon his mentor (nicknamed Socrates) at an all-night gas station. At the time, Millman hoped to become a world-champion gymnast. “To survive the lessons ahead, you’re going to need far more energy than ever before,” Socrates warned him that night. “You must cleanse your body of tension, free your mind of stagnant knowledge, and open your heart to the energy of true emotion.”

In Way of the Peaceful Warrior: A Book That Changes Lives The lessons of Socrates help Dan drop his preconceived notions and begin to discover the value of “being conscious over being smart, and strength in spirit over strength in body.” It is an inspiring story of growth, courage and rebirth and promising to give you a lot of food for thought on how you life your own life.

OMTimes Post–July 25, 2103

As we were growing up, most of us were taught the importance of saying please and thank you at the appropriate times in life. From a young age, children who are given something hear the echoing words, “Say thank you!” We say thank you for a gift, when given a treat, and for being passed the mashed potatoes, but over time, we kind of lose sight of an important reason to say thank you.

Read more on my OMTimes blog!

OMTimes Post–June 11, 2013

Psychic readers, counselors, healers and other practitioners have spent many, many years extricating themselves from a history steeped in misunderstanding, fear and even down right fraud. From the days of burning witches to more modern scandals and fraud claims, the decision to publicly declare yourself a psychic practitioner is not always an easy one.

The same history makes it equally hard to decide to consult a psychic, and perhaps even harder to choose one. Fortunately, being a psychic in a good part of the modern world no longer carries quite the stigma it used to, or at least not a death penalty, which means that there are likely to be a large number of psychics and other intuitive practitioners working in your area and advertising openly…

Read more about choosing a psychic on my OMTimes Blog!

[Recommended Reading]: Life Was Never Meant To Be A Struggle by Stewart Wilde

My schedule the last few weeks has been kind of insane and I of course feel bad that I haven’t really had the time to contribute a nice blog post. So, I thought I would start adding some of my favorite books to the blog, to give you something thoughtful and enlightening to read when I am not being so myself. 🙂

"Life Was Never Meant to Be a Struggle" is one of those books I love to go back to every now and then. It’s a nice book that helps you identify the causes of struggle in your life and how you can get past them and learn to live life more “in the flow”. A really good reminder for those of us who tend to get caught up in the rush and struggle of life, and need to remember to stop and take a moment to reset ourselves and stop struggling and trying and just “do” and “be”.

OMTimes Post–April 12th, 2013

Nearly all of us have been sent to our room at least once in our lives – likely followed by the dreaded words “you’re grounded!” The idea behind the punishment was theoretically intended to teach us a lesson about whatever infraction we committed, and perhaps provide us the opportunity to think about the mistakes we made and how we might behave differently in the future…

Read more about “getting grounded” on my OMTimes Blog!

Do Unto Yourself As You Would Do Unto Others.

I know, I know, that’s not the way that saying technically goes, but for today’s purpose, it does. Are you a healer, teacher, counselor, social worker, or any of the myriad of jobs or personal lifestyles that fit into those categories?

This doesn’t necessarily mean that you work as a nurse or a counselor (though many do), but perhaps you constantly find yourself in that role with family and friends. Maybe you are the only person you feel has the ability to hold your family together, keep your friends sane. You might simply love doing all that you can to help others. (You know who you are!)

While it would be nice if there were even more of it the world, there still are a lot of people who feel this way; feel compelled to help, nurture and heal. You might do so to the point where you drop into bed exhausted, sometimes late at night, only to get a few hours of sleep and start again in the morning. You might wear yourself out physically, mentally and emotionally.

Now, if you think of yourself as an engine – not very romantic or spiritual sounding, I know, but hey, whatever works! If you’re a lovely, shining engine of healing, helping and nurturing, but you don’t take the time to make sure this engine has fuel, is properly oiled and maintained, and isn’t constantly running day in and day out without stopping, there comes a time when that engine burns out.

If you allow yourself to burn out, run yourself ragged, and don’t take care of your own needs, there comes a point where you are no good to anyone. If you are exhausted and emotionally frayed, the quality of what you can give to others deteriorates. The more frayed you get, the more you tend to take on and feel personally the struggles of those you are helping, and then cycle of wearing yourself down continues.

There is probably no type of person more needed, yet more underappreciated in the world, and that includes underappreciating themselves. If your engine is only running at half power, you’re only giving about half the quality and care to others, your light dims. Take the time to take care of yourself; if not for your own sake, then for the sake of those you take care of.

Treat yourself to a little pampering and relaxation. Get a massage, take a trip to the hair salon, or get a mani-pedi. Spend a day at the beach. Soak in a hot bath. Take yourself on a date (alone) to your favorite café, library or bookstore. Go for a walk in the forest. Go to bed early once in a while. Take some “Me Time”; perhaps even turn off that cell phone for 20 minutes while you read, walk or have a nice cup of coffee.

Don’t forget, if you need your own physical, mental or emotional help or healing, allow yourself that. Ask for help. You can only give what you allow yourself to take.

 

The quality of time and care that you give yourself will only improve that which you give to those you care for. Taking care of your own physical, mental and spiritual well being, or “engine” will help you keep your light burning brightly for years to come.

Trust Your Intuition

I’ve been meaning to write about intuition for a while now, but I was giving myself a neat little roadblock by feeling like I had to get all technical about “what is intuition?”. I did a bit of research, looked at various definitions and explanations of what intuition is, from psychological to anthropological. Of course, this all led me to dead stand still, because if you try to look at intuition in such a scientific manner, it’s pretty mindboggling.

In reality, or at least in my reality anyway, it doesn’t necessarily matter how intuition works or why it exists, but simply that it does. It doesn’t matter what your beliefs are, if you’re working spiritually or scientifically, or if you’re baking or raising children. It’s those moments of inspiration, those sudden flashes of intuition, that instance when you “just know” what you need to do. That is intuition.

Working spiritually or psychically, intuition is the foundation of recognizing and understanding our gifts and how to use them. Perhaps it is our connection to our higher selves or a higher power, but whatever it is, it’s an awareness that on some level, you have the answer.

You don’t have to be working as a healer or a counselor to begin to listen to and trust your intuition. Some call it instinct, a gut feeling, mother’s intuition, inspiration, et cetera, but however you name it, it is at its most basic, trusting yourself.

How do you know your intuition is working? It’s that nagging feeling you’re missing something, or need to do something. Perhaps you’ve been feeling all day like you need to call a friend or a family member, and when you finally do, you realize they were in trauma or really needed to hear a friendly voice.

It might be mother’s intuition, just knowing what your child needs, from instinctual care to that feeling that they’re up to no good. You might be working out some sort of problem that on the surface is very cerebral, scientific or intellectual, but then you get a sudden flash of an idea just where you need to look, or just what formula you need to use.

Many artists work intuitively, those little bursts of inspiration of what form lives in that block of wood they are about to sculpt, what mixture of color and textures that painting needs, or where to point their camera. Taking an intuitive leap leads to new paths of creativity.

How is your intuition trying to get your attention? Unfortunately it’s not always as simple as a sticky note left on the refrigerator that says you might want to avoid that lunch meat, or you might want to phone your friend, she’s having a bad day.

Sometimes you “just know”, but often it’s matter of repetition. If I’m not paying close attention to those little feelings of “I should do this” or “I feel like something is wrong here”, I will start to notice that it comes up more than once. So, I go by the “rule of three”, if it comes to mind, or presents itself in some other way, three times, I really better pay attention to that message.

It might be as simple as, you see shop you haven’t noticed before and think to yourself, I really should stop there some time. A day or so later you find yourself going by it and noticing it there again. Then of course, the next day it catches your attention again, so okay, perhaps you should really stop in. Maybe you just find that piece of furniture you’ve been wanting for years, or maybe you find out that an old friend you had lost touch with owns the shop.

You don’t need to wait for that third reminder. If you get a feeling, a flash of a thought or an idea, just stop for a moment. Quiet your mind and ask yourself if that feeling is relevant. Ask your higher self or higher power if it’s something that you need to address. If you’re not sure if it’s for you or for someone you know, ask that question too. The same source within that brought you the intuition can help you figure out what you’re supposed to do with it.

Whatever source you think that intuition comes from, however it manifests itself in your life, it is well worth the practice of paying just a bit closer attention to what it’s all about. This could mean being aware of when a friend needs to talk about something painful. It could be that intuitive feeling that you need to cut something specific out of your diet.

Intuition and awareness walk hand in hand. Being self aware allows you to recognize those little intuitive feelings. Stretching beyond yourself and becoming aware of the world around you and your place it in can help you to recognize intuitively where you need to be, how you can positively change your world.

The Positive Benefits of Color: Orange

This is a part two of a series of posts looking at the different ways we can use color to positively benefit our lives.

Orange is another warm, energizing color. It is thought to combine the stimulating qualities of red with the more cheerful energy of yellow, which we’ll discuss next time. It is linked to the sacral chakra, another of what is believed to be the centers of vital energy in our body. This chakra is located in the lower abdomen, and is related to the organs in that area, including the uterus, ovaries, prostate and testes.

Physically, the color orange stimulates and energizes us. It is believed to stimulate the lungs, respiration and digestion, as well as increase the activity of the thyroid. Like red, many restaurants use orange, or more subtle shades of orange, such as peach, to stimulate the appetite. Orange colored foods provide beta carotene, vitamins and nutrients which help improve the immune system, protect heart and vision, and may play an important role in preventing certain cancers.

Emotionally and mentally, orange projects warmth and happiness, it is associated with fun and sociability, and inspires creativity. It is believed to release constrictions of both the mind and body, open your mind to new ideas and boost enthusiasm. It’s related to gut instinct, as opposed to mental or physical reaction. It’s association with the sacral chakra may also make it helpful in dealing with sexual expression.

Many people are averse to the color orange, it’s often considered one of the least popular colors. If you’re not a fan of orange, ask yourself what aspects of orange do you perhaps have a personal struggle with, and apply orange in some form to that part of your life.

Like red, you can incorporate orange into your life as simply as eating or drinking things that are orange. In fact, so many orange foods are so good for us, like carrots and oranges. You can use orange to decorate a room like studio or craft room to inspire creativity, but you want to avoid using it in rooms where there is possible stress.

Visualize orange light when meditating or healing, on the areas of your body or your life where you think they most need it. Keep an orange light or light filter so that you can sit directly in the light if you feel you need it. Find a cheery orange blanket to wrap yourself in on days when you need that boost of cheerfulness or creativity.

It takes a certain personality type to wear a lot of orange, but adding orange accessories may help boost your mood. Jewelry or gemstones such as citrine, coral, amber, sunstone, carnelian, topaz, and certain agates and opals worn or carried in your pocket and bring a little of that orange energy into your life.

As with anything like this, it’s not just what people and books or websites tell you to believe, it’s what you believe. What feelings or thoughts does the color orange invoke for you? Does it bring up a particular memory? How does it affect you? You should always trust your own intuition about what’s best for you.

Just I mentioned with red, there’s nothing that says you have to work with orange if you can’t stand it. The added benefit of orange being a secondary color is that you could possibly achieve the same effects by using a bit of red and yellow if you like those colors better. These pages are certainly not everyone’s truth, just a bit of guidance to get you going in the direction you need to go.

And please, as always, if you have serious physical or mental health problems, talk to a professional. Take care of yourself.

Resources:

• Empower Yourself With Color
• Colour Therapy Healing
• Deep Trance Now – Color Therapy
• Colours of the Muse – Healing Benefits of Orange
• About.com – Color Psychology

Mind Your Own Business?

This is something that I have personally struggled with a few times in life. When do you cross that line in the sand between minding your own business and speaking up? Speaking up on behalf of others, speaking up for yourself, knowing when to keep your mouth shut and when something needs to be said.

Are we all too well schooled in that “mind your own business” adage? I just finished watching a short video on Upworthy.com that made me think about this subject. A hidden camera show tests out the question “What Would You Do?”, and in this case, the video was testing how people respond to a gay couple with children being harassed by a waitress. You can watch the video here.

One of the people who didn’t speak up casually commented that it was none of her business. It led me to think about how many times you hear about people who are mentally abused, beaten, bullied or otherwise mistreated, and something terrible happens. People comment that the signs were there, but they didn’t think it was any of their business; they didn’t want to get involved.

Where does the line of social privacy end and social responsibility begin?

Many years ago, the couple who lived upstairs from us would have serious fights. And I mean, knock-down, drag-out screaming matches. We would struggle with, okay, it’s their business, they’re fighting. But, when they’re shouting loud enough for the rest of us to hear, it can’t help but start to become our business. Then, they start throwing things and you hear things breaking, and you kind of start to reach out beyond that line of minding your own business to thinking, what if one of them ends up dead and I did nothing?

We called the authorities when things started breaking. We didn’t know the neighbors other than in passing, but they had a pretty good idea who called and were less than thrilled with us. Still, I think that having them hate us was better than having something horrible happen.

For many of us, we don’t think twice about calling in animal neglect or abuse, but we get more nervous when it comes to people. Are we afraid of what happens when we intervene on a human’s behalf? Is it fear of confrontation? Do we really think that someone being publically discriminated against or privately abused is not our business?

Even if you can’t quite bring yourself to publically call out someone being discriminatory or abusive, perhaps you should look into other ways to do it. Being an introvert myself, I’m not sure how quickly I would be willing to stand up and defend someone in a public place, it probably depends upon the situation. After watching that video, I think I might be more inclined to do so.

However, if you worry that confronting someone publically is out of your comfort zone or maybe even dangerous, you can still take steps to make a difference. Speak privately to someone in charge. Write a letter to the editor. Call the police, call protective services, just call someone.

Sometimes you just need to speak up.