OMTimes Post–April 15th, 2013

There are many of us who spend our lives waiting to do one thing or another. We are waiting until we have time or money. We wait until we are old enough, fit enough, smart enough. We wait for a friend to have the time, money or motivation to do it with us. The problem lies with waiting for external stimulus to make things happen. In reality, the only one who can make things happen for you is you…

Read more on my OMTimes blog!

Getting to Know You

Sometimes people reach a point in their lives where they feel alone and neglected. Perhaps people they have always relied on are no longer with them. Close friends or family members have crazy schedules and life troubles that draw them away. Kids grow up, relationships end, and they find themselves feeling lonely and abandoned.

It is easy to build a life that is surrounded by other people. Many people grow up with close friends and family, move on to college and marry young, always surrounded by people; always depending on and being depended on for support, entertainment, love and attention.

Sometimes we spend such a huge chunk of our lives surrounded by people and responsibilities that we lose track of ourselves; that sense of what it is like to be one single, solitary person. It can be hard to find yourself suddenly alone and dependent upon no one but yourself. Mentally and emotionally it can be like suddenly being locked alone in a room with a complete stranger.

It doesn’t mean that you’re in as extreme a situation as being stranded alone on a deserted island, but perhaps a long term relationship has ended, a close friend or mentor has passed away. You may feel like you have been alone for a long time; trying and failing at relationship after relationship.

Chances are you are not destined to spend your life alone, but sometimes God, the Universe, Great Spirit, whomever you like to imagine is out there, intends for you to get to know yourself again. Learn about this stranger you spend more time with than anyone else. Get to know “I”, and become comfortable in your own company.

Learn who you are without a second, third or fourth person involved. Find out what makes you tick. Rediscover what brings you joy; what skills or hobbies you forgot you loved; try new things; learn what new adventures you can have.

Have a conversation with yourself. A journal is a great way to have a running dialog with yourself; writing it by hand encourages you to ramble on without worrying about spelling and grammar checks. Start simply; discuss the weather. Then perhaps talk to yourself about what has happened to get you where you are today. Ask yourself how you got there, what you’d like to do now. Grow bolder and ask yourself what you would do if you knew you could not fail.

Once you discover that you’re not so scary to spend time alone with, begin to understand who you are and how you work, and become comfortable with who you are on your own, you are opening yourself up to new and positive changes. Along the way, you are increasing your chances of finding new relationships, or perhaps rekindling old ones, that are happier and healthier, and will grow along with you.

OMTimes Post–April 12th, 2013

Nearly all of us have been sent to our room at least once in our lives – likely followed by the dreaded words “you’re grounded!” The idea behind the punishment was theoretically intended to teach us a lesson about whatever infraction we committed, and perhaps provide us the opportunity to think about the mistakes we made and how we might behave differently in the future…

Read more about “getting grounded” on my OMTimes Blog!

Time to Fly

“Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them… and they flew.” ~Guillaume Apollinaire

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

Here’s a mini post to get you asking yourself, is there a little something that you’ve always wanted to do, but have been afraid to try? Consider this your little push off the edge. Spring is in the air, and it’s a perfect time to try something new.

Have you considered changing your job or learning a new skill? Even if you can’t make a giant life change, take a couple of baby steps towards that cliff in the form of a college class. Sign up for a painting class or a music lesson, look for a group that shares the same interest.

When we build up a fear of failing at something, we also build up the consequences of failure. Most of the time the consequence might just be a little embarrassment, but somewhere in the back of our mind, we create visions of horrible death or dismemberment.

Our overactive imaginations can be our greatest gift and our biggest pitfall. Now it’s time to use your imagination to find your wings and step off the edge!

What Do You Do With Your Anger?

Anger, while generally labeled a “negative” emotion, does have its place in our repertoire of emotional responses. But, how productive is it to use your anger against others, even if it is for a just cause?

Without delving into a mound of research on emotions and psychology, the basic purpose of anger seems to be to drive us to respond to situations that we perceive as unjust, cruel or harmful; perhaps also feeding our sense of self preservation.

It’s good to have this emotion give us a sense of moral outrage, drive us to react, press us to defend ourselves. On the flip side, it can cause us to lash out at people, say things without thinking, even lead to violence. Perhaps it is a good idea to think about the difference between acting because of anger and reacting in anger.

As a child, if you misbehaved and were shouted at in anger, you might have cried and even felt fear. You probably learned not to do the misbehavior again, but perhaps only because you were frightened and not necessarily because the interaction was positive and educational.

Angry shouting in the workplace creates tension and anxiety. Employees work hard out of fear of eliciting an angry reaction rather than because they love their work or because they simply want to do the best work they can.

Social injustices around the world, from slavery to women’s rights, to Apartheid and more, were positively affected by people who were angry about the cruelty and injustice. Were these problems solved because these angry people shouted in the streets, took shovels to the heads of the offenders, or otherwise reacted in anger to the situation? Some of this no doubt happened, but it is likely what eventually solved the problem.

It was the intelligent, thoughtful, angry person – who was spurred into positive action by their anger, that likely made the biggest difference. These people educated the masses, debated the laws and got involved on the grassroots level, rather than in defensive, reactive ways.

Shouting, bullying and berating, and certainly violence, do not win people over to your cause. It prevents them from interacting with you about it at all. They don’t hear what you are saying over your shouting. Perhaps they even avoid a cause they might have otherwise supported, simply because of a bad interaction with someone reacting in anger.

Whatever your political, religious, or social beliefs, whatever makes you angry; stop. Think first. Is this angry response really going to have the effect that you are hoping for? Or is just going to alienate your cause and drive away potential supporters? Or, worse, hurt someone?

Find positive ways to approach what makes you angry. Accept that there might be people that you simply cannot change, let them go and move on to the people you can. Publically flogging transgressors went out with the dark ages. Private (or calm public) discussions and negotiations are likely to be much more meaningful and effective. Treat them with respect and they will respect you, and your cause.

While it is by no means easy to always remember to stop and think before reacting in anger, it can help to keep the simple Serenity Prayer in mind (insert favorite deity as desired):

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Do Unto Yourself As You Would Do Unto Others.

I know, I know, that’s not the way that saying technically goes, but for today’s purpose, it does. Are you a healer, teacher, counselor, social worker, or any of the myriad of jobs or personal lifestyles that fit into those categories?

This doesn’t necessarily mean that you work as a nurse or a counselor (though many do), but perhaps you constantly find yourself in that role with family and friends. Maybe you are the only person you feel has the ability to hold your family together, keep your friends sane. You might simply love doing all that you can to help others. (You know who you are!)

While it would be nice if there were even more of it the world, there still are a lot of people who feel this way; feel compelled to help, nurture and heal. You might do so to the point where you drop into bed exhausted, sometimes late at night, only to get a few hours of sleep and start again in the morning. You might wear yourself out physically, mentally and emotionally.

Now, if you think of yourself as an engine – not very romantic or spiritual sounding, I know, but hey, whatever works! If you’re a lovely, shining engine of healing, helping and nurturing, but you don’t take the time to make sure this engine has fuel, is properly oiled and maintained, and isn’t constantly running day in and day out without stopping, there comes a time when that engine burns out.

If you allow yourself to burn out, run yourself ragged, and don’t take care of your own needs, there comes a point where you are no good to anyone. If you are exhausted and emotionally frayed, the quality of what you can give to others deteriorates. The more frayed you get, the more you tend to take on and feel personally the struggles of those you are helping, and then cycle of wearing yourself down continues.

There is probably no type of person more needed, yet more underappreciated in the world, and that includes underappreciating themselves. If your engine is only running at half power, you’re only giving about half the quality and care to others, your light dims. Take the time to take care of yourself; if not for your own sake, then for the sake of those you take care of.

Treat yourself to a little pampering and relaxation. Get a massage, take a trip to the hair salon, or get a mani-pedi. Spend a day at the beach. Soak in a hot bath. Take yourself on a date (alone) to your favorite café, library or bookstore. Go for a walk in the forest. Go to bed early once in a while. Take some “Me Time”; perhaps even turn off that cell phone for 20 minutes while you read, walk or have a nice cup of coffee.

Don’t forget, if you need your own physical, mental or emotional help or healing, allow yourself that. Ask for help. You can only give what you allow yourself to take.

 

The quality of time and care that you give yourself will only improve that which you give to those you care for. Taking care of your own physical, mental and spiritual well being, or “engine” will help you keep your light burning brightly for years to come.

Trust Your Intuition

I’ve been meaning to write about intuition for a while now, but I was giving myself a neat little roadblock by feeling like I had to get all technical about “what is intuition?”. I did a bit of research, looked at various definitions and explanations of what intuition is, from psychological to anthropological. Of course, this all led me to dead stand still, because if you try to look at intuition in such a scientific manner, it’s pretty mindboggling.

In reality, or at least in my reality anyway, it doesn’t necessarily matter how intuition works or why it exists, but simply that it does. It doesn’t matter what your beliefs are, if you’re working spiritually or scientifically, or if you’re baking or raising children. It’s those moments of inspiration, those sudden flashes of intuition, that instance when you “just know” what you need to do. That is intuition.

Working spiritually or psychically, intuition is the foundation of recognizing and understanding our gifts and how to use them. Perhaps it is our connection to our higher selves or a higher power, but whatever it is, it’s an awareness that on some level, you have the answer.

You don’t have to be working as a healer or a counselor to begin to listen to and trust your intuition. Some call it instinct, a gut feeling, mother’s intuition, inspiration, et cetera, but however you name it, it is at its most basic, trusting yourself.

How do you know your intuition is working? It’s that nagging feeling you’re missing something, or need to do something. Perhaps you’ve been feeling all day like you need to call a friend or a family member, and when you finally do, you realize they were in trauma or really needed to hear a friendly voice.

It might be mother’s intuition, just knowing what your child needs, from instinctual care to that feeling that they’re up to no good. You might be working out some sort of problem that on the surface is very cerebral, scientific or intellectual, but then you get a sudden flash of an idea just where you need to look, or just what formula you need to use.

Many artists work intuitively, those little bursts of inspiration of what form lives in that block of wood they are about to sculpt, what mixture of color and textures that painting needs, or where to point their camera. Taking an intuitive leap leads to new paths of creativity.

How is your intuition trying to get your attention? Unfortunately it’s not always as simple as a sticky note left on the refrigerator that says you might want to avoid that lunch meat, or you might want to phone your friend, she’s having a bad day.

Sometimes you “just know”, but often it’s matter of repetition. If I’m not paying close attention to those little feelings of “I should do this” or “I feel like something is wrong here”, I will start to notice that it comes up more than once. So, I go by the “rule of three”, if it comes to mind, or presents itself in some other way, three times, I really better pay attention to that message.

It might be as simple as, you see shop you haven’t noticed before and think to yourself, I really should stop there some time. A day or so later you find yourself going by it and noticing it there again. Then of course, the next day it catches your attention again, so okay, perhaps you should really stop in. Maybe you just find that piece of furniture you’ve been wanting for years, or maybe you find out that an old friend you had lost touch with owns the shop.

You don’t need to wait for that third reminder. If you get a feeling, a flash of a thought or an idea, just stop for a moment. Quiet your mind and ask yourself if that feeling is relevant. Ask your higher self or higher power if it’s something that you need to address. If you’re not sure if it’s for you or for someone you know, ask that question too. The same source within that brought you the intuition can help you figure out what you’re supposed to do with it.

Whatever source you think that intuition comes from, however it manifests itself in your life, it is well worth the practice of paying just a bit closer attention to what it’s all about. This could mean being aware of when a friend needs to talk about something painful. It could be that intuitive feeling that you need to cut something specific out of your diet.

Intuition and awareness walk hand in hand. Being self aware allows you to recognize those little intuitive feelings. Stretching beyond yourself and becoming aware of the world around you and your place it in can help you to recognize intuitively where you need to be, how you can positively change your world.